They say a mother breathes life into her children, however our relationship has always been different.
I was a lost soul. And the day they placed you in my arms, was the day you breathed life into ME.
Barely 19 years old the day you were born…I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to be a mother. I had no idea what responsibility was. But the moment I held you for the first time…we had a conversation (a little foggy for you I’m sure…so I’ll recall it for you).
I promised you that I would love you til the day I died. I promised you I would protect you with every fiber of my being. I told you I didn’t know I could love one person so much, so unconditionally after just meeting them for the first time. And I told you I had no idea what I was doing but we were going to figure it out together. And I meant it. And then as you slept next to me, I took out a piece of paper and pen and wrote my mother a letter. 2 pages to be exact. Every line started…I’m sorry for…she would be happy to tell you all those stories I’m sure:)
All the things I had done, all the trouble I had caused, everything in my life ceased to exist or matter. All I knew, was that from that moment on, I was going to be your mother. A better person. I was going to raise you to never repeat the mistakes I had made. You changed my whole life in one millisecond. And for that, I owe you MY life. You made me a better person. You gave me purpose. You showed me what I was put on this earth to be. Your mother. That was it. That was enough. You were a gift from God to tell me I was forgiven. I was a new person and it was time to step up and be the person my mother raised me to be. Sorry mom. It took awhile. But I found my way:)
I remember rocking you to sleep every night. I didn’t know a single song…so you know what I sang to you? Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. I would rock you and sing you to sleep every night. But I did go buy a book of baby songs and learn every one, word for word. The smiles in your sleep were my soul food. And I truly didn’t want to miss a single one.
So today as you’re getting ready to graduate High School and walk across that stage…I just want to say thank you. Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for being the outstanding young man you are. Thank you for the talks, the laughs, and simply “time”. Thank you for saying “thank you”, for holding open doors, for making good grades, for being responsible, for treating your girlfriend the way a man should, and for just being you.
I know whatever you do, you will find your way in this big scary world. I just pray that you always find your way back to God and to your home and your mother. You will stumble. You’ll fall. But you’ll find your way. And I’ll always be here for you.
I know this is your day, but dang it. I’ve been in denial so long of this day, that it kind of smacked me in the face this morning. I love you. I’m going to try and pull my crap together so I don’t look like an idiot tonight. No promises, but I’m gonna try. Hopefully this helps.
I’m proud of you. Unbelievably, insanely proud of you. And I’m so honored to be your mom. Thank you for letting me be:)